More older adults prefer ‘living apart together,’ study shows

COLUMBIA, Mo. — Perhaps love and marriage don’t go together like a horse and carriage after all. A new study finds that older Americans looking for love are latching onto a new trend that tempers the demands of a committed relationship, a phenomenon known as “Living Apart Together,” or “LAT.”

Spurred by a divorce rate that has doubled among this demographic since 1990, many older singles — often divorced or widowed — have taken on “an intimate relationship without a shared residence.” New research was conducted upon the increasingly popular relationship arrangement among those 50 years of age or older.

According to Jacquelyn Benson, a researcher at the University of Missouri who is entrenched in the topic, LAT has long been an established phenomenon in Europe. Only in recent years is the trend reaching the United States en masse.

“What has long been understood about late-in-life relationships is largely based on long-term marriage,” Benson explains in a release. With marriage rates amongst older Americans declining, she argues that “if more people young and old, married or not saw LAT as an option, it might save them from a lot of future heartache.”

LAT couples want independence, but should still discuss end-of-life care

For their study, Benson and another researcher interviewed adults who were at least 60 years of age and in committed relationships, yet didn’t live together. From their interactions with this demographic, the two researchers found that there were a number of motivating factors for a LAT-type relationship.

A major theme seemed to be independence older couples wanted their family and finances to remain separate from their partner. A stigma revolving around living together and not being wed at an older age also played a factor; many expressed that describing their partner as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” would feel awkward.

Benson, who is continuing her research, points out how she hopes to help discover and resolve issues pertaining to LAT arrangements and late life imperatives, such as end-of-life planning and caregiving.

“Discussions about end-of-life planning and caregiving can be sensitive to talk about; however, LAT couples should make it a priority to have these conversations both as a couple and with their families,” she says. “Many of us wait until a crisis to address those issues, but in situations like LAT where there are no socially prescribed norms dictating behavior these conversations may be more important than ever.”

The study is published in the journal Family Relations.

Comments

  1. It may be the trend, but I suggest it’s not a good one. As a man who married a woman in the past 11 years when we were 66 and 56, respectfully, the benefits of total commitment are extremely positive. I cannot imagine attempting to carry on a committed relationship while living apart. Just the element of companionship cannot be at a level of satisfaction when it is severely limited by distant homes. All that we do for each other on a daily basis would mostly be missed if I lived away from her. From taking out the trash, cooking, cleaning, making the bed to just watching TV together on a daily and routine basis would be difficult to accomplish apart. If you are a couple who does not want each other to be helpful on a routine basis, I can understand such a decision. But you are going to miss an almost infinite number of helpful things we do for each other. Some are small and almost unnoticed. Others are big and life-saving (she insists on feeding me healthy foods which I would never eat on my own.) I would not trade my marriage for the independence of living separately. Plus, I enjoy her company, even if I’m downstairs and she is upstairs. I can always go upstairs, which I think I will do right now. Bye!

          1. Etymologically speaking, “bye” IS a complete sentence. “Bye” is a short form of “Good-bye,” our modern version of “God be with you,” which is, indeed, a complete sentence, even though it may seem incomplete, with its imperative verb.

          2. goodbye
            /ˌɡʊdˈbaɪ/
            sentence substitute
            1.
            farewell: a conventional expression used at leave-taking or parting with people and at the loss or rejection of things or ideas

          3. Etymologically speaking, “bye” is not a complete sentence. In distinction, “Bye!” is a complete sentence. So entomologically speaking, if an ant writes “Bye!”, he or she wrote a complete sentence, even if he or she is an atheist.

          1. Yup. @carlos_Broker needs a Safe Place and a binky to suck on….aaawwww!!!! Miserable Leftists out themselves all the time.

          1. Facebook idea was thieved from two men, twins in fact, the Winklevoss brothers. They were on the U.S. Rowing Team. They sued Zuckerbury and received $160 MILLION settlement. The C.I.A. funded and put together the infrastructure of FB during a program know as IN-Q-TEL. They then gave F.B. to Zuckerburg so he would be their stooge. Zuckerburg was also given a plaque by the C.I.A. for his part in spying on the American people for the C.I.A.

          2. Chris Wallace now heads the most famous Family name in Fake News
            The Mike Wallace Fake News Generator, Inc
            / . fake news that will drive them crazy

          3. honorable mention
            Fox Sunday Morning News
            also can claim the launching of Megan Kelly’s lust filled career
            Sunday mornings are so enlightening
            i can hardly wait

          4. Can’t beat CNN, MSNBC and many others for fake, biased and false news. CNN stands for: Communist News Network. What is scarier than that? I know, all the Commies who pretend to be Americans who support the rhetoric and carryings on at the station and pretend that it is real news!!

          5. Surely he is second to Chris Como of fake news Clinton News Network CNN. Have you seen Como saying it is illegal for anyone but the Jew owned media outlets to look at the Wikileaks e-mail hacks? It is on YouTube.

        1. Reading comprehension is not your strong suit is it?
          He was telling us, the readers, BYE. He is leaving us to go upstairs to see his wife.

        2. My brother is married to a Thai woman. His duty he’s learned is to work until he dies (possibly the sooner the better.) “Bye” in that case might be hilarious and possibly quite a relief!

    1. Please, if you do not marry, see that you execute powers of medical and financial attorney for your loved ones. As long as they are still capable, it is a simple legal filing. If you are not married, and something unexpected occurs, you may find yourself unable to carry out your partner’s wishes, or your own, while dealing with the crisis.

      1. 2nd sentence of MMichaelH comment: “As a man who married a woman in the past 11 years when we were 66 and 56, respectfully, the benefits of total commitment are extremely positive.”

      2. Those may be exactly some of the ‘entanglements’ those choosing to live separately are seeking to avoid. Much easier to move on to the next ‘experience’ if not all co-mingled.

    2. My friends and I all want to be married on the national guard plan. 1 weekend a month. Two weeks in the summer.

        1. i agree as a 58 year old male recently divorced the mingling of money and finance and family’s is of concern. better to just enjoy the company not the joining!

          1. I have had woman mad because I will not commit to more but that is exactly how I feel
            Carl. Don’t want to merge finances and life decisions with another person at my age (63).

          2. To make it work you must be close to your family. In my case my sister as we both live in the same city. Because at some being alone is depressing and dating is hard work after over 30 years of marriage! There are very few love story movies with alimagtaw and Ryan O’Neal date movies. Lol

        1. lol, my exwife choose to RIF me mid-career, ETS’d at forty one with just over 10 years service. Since then I haven’t felt the need to take on the financial risk of another marriage and I honestly don’t really see that changing in the future. As I rapidly approach fifty I find that I really enjoy living alone, I wouldn’t mind having a steady lady friend, but she’d have to be something really special before I put her on paper and essentially gave her all my stuff.

          1. If you are not planning to have kids what is the point of getting married Bobby? You won’t have financial problems with them since they are not attached to you legally and it should make a later life relationship better. Nothing to fight about. If a woman wants to get married she can just pass me by. Marriage mostly causes problems.

          2. I respectfully disagree. My husband and I were married for 26 years when he suddenly decided he “didn’t want to be married anymore” and went to live with his mother. I make a decent amount of money (considerably more than he does) and had always provided the health insurance. He ferreted money away during our marriage, and kept me poor. When we got divorced, he got half of everything. Even my retirement. I am older (60) than he is, and he refused to save anything for retirement, until his current employer forced him to do so. I may never be able to retire. I got the house, but only because I had a small inheritance from my my mother, and paid him for it. My bank actually helped him take the money, which they knew was mine, because I told them, and quietly set up a separate account with his and his mother’s names on it. Everything definitely benefited him, not me.

          3. You sure you weren’t actually married to another woman? Holy cow, I’ve never…and I mean -ever- heard of that happening in reverse like that. This is usually the story from men about thier X’s.

          4. This has been happening more in the last decade or so. All of those laws put on the books that gave women in general better outcomes in such cases are gender neutral, and crafty attorneys for men married to more successful women can use the same laws to the favor of their clients so long as the courts aren’t radically activist to the Left.

          5. My sister in law is a paralegal at a law firm who only does divorces and custody issues. She said the same thing. The lawyers she works for also told her its really important to seek out the Family Court judges who are known to be fair. It is coming around, as it should.

          6. It does happen. I might even know this lady.
            It is exactly what happened to a friend of my wife’s.

          7. Happens all the time. Most woman live below poverty level after divorce after living middle class raising a family & working. Average woman works 15 yrs less due to raising family starting &stopping employment having kids.

          8. The rate is high. Stand up women are too mortified to discuss it for the most part, and are too busy blaming themselves.

          9. That’s very rare, but does show you what its like to men. Tell all your friends who are thinking of divorce.

          10. I’m glad to hear you got screwed…it’s about time women live the insanity that the majority of men have been going through since 1970.

          11. With a law adopted in 1969, California, led by Ronald Reagan, became the first U.S. state to permit no-fault divorce.[5] California’s law was framed on a roughly contemporaneous effort of the non-governmental organization National Conference of Commissioners on Uniform State Laws, which began drafting a model of no-fault divorce statute for states to consider in 1967.[6]

          12. So, you know her personally to know she’s a bad person, or are you just a bitter jerk who got screwed over in a divorce.

          13. I don’t have to know her to know that she got screwed according to her….maybe her ex has another story that shows something different…do you know her ex?? Have you talked to him? Maybe she’s an asshole. For her to have gotten screwed in the so called courts of equity, she must have been a real trouble maker.

          14. I call BS here. There was a LOT of discovery during my divorce, And believe me, if any money was ferreted away or taken, that would have been accounted for. Also, though she didn’t work, the court in Pennsylvania “felt compassion” for her and awarded me almost all the debt.

            Family law in the US definitely favors the female. I am, however, sorry to see you or anyone destroyed in family court. In your case, i think you could sue your divorce lawyer for malpractice

          15. If the wife or husband sacrifices career to raise a family and is out of the workforce for years, either will be awarded compensation or half of assets depending on the length of marriage. Also skillset of each considered.

          16. WTF difference does “skill set” have to do with anything? My ex chose to party her life away and was on welfare with two children when I met and married her with a career and work already established. She sacrificed exactly nothing. Your argument is nothing but liberal, equality of outcome BS. You, and those who think like you, are the problem. I’ll bet you’re a gold digger or divorce attorney.

          17. None of the above. I was referring to either the wife or the husband that choose to raise the family and forgo a career. That’s what the courts look at as well as ability to support yourself and family. I’m conservative and have worked since I was 12 literally. Have supported others have not participated in any “gold digging”. Created jobs for others and take care of others. Nope not an attorney either.

          18. Well you are right Kma. I know a man who worked and put himself through school and when he got divorced he had to pay for his ex to get some sort of training. She was a beautician when they were married. Can’t speak to the lady’s skills or work ethic as I didn’t know her but her ex seemed to indicate she was capable of making a very good living at the trade IF she worked. As part of his divorce agreement he had to pay so much a year for 4 years for education & additional training for her. He was angry that the money was never used for any education or training.

          19. Wisconsin is the same.The woman is automatic victim even if they had an affair that ended the marriage . let’s not forget here people women initiate 70% of all divorces why? Ever hear the statement;Your not the man I married ?? translation: I am unable to make you into what I think you should be so I am done with you!! “To the curb”!!The financial rewards are appealing and great. The the kids suffer fail in school and have problems the rest of their lives. NO sympathy given here for the HANDFUL of women who have a taste of what most men experience in a divorce. I am not speaking of losers who do not work or live off of the government i am talking about the men who earn a living and support their family financially and emotionally. We are OVERNIGHT converted from a parent to simply an uncle that pays!!!!!!!!

          20. I think the concept of splitting assets at divorce is very unfair. In this day and age it should just be if you want to split you walk away with what you make and nothing more. As an aside, I think three bank accounts would have solved a lot of problems. his account, her account, and a joint account (that wouldn’t drain you if you lost it). Leave it to the other person on your death until then, keep it your own.

          21. A smart woman would never fall into the trap of splitting assets. Once when my wife started talking about divorce I laid out the facts. First I take half of everything and my Social Security check along with it. I have no doubt whatsoever I would do fine. My wife on the other hand with her severely limited skill set would be dependent on someone else for car repairs, home repairs, lawn care and dozens of other things her husband now takes care of for her. After thinking about it for a day or two her whole attitude changed. She no longer threatens me with divorce no matter how mad I make her.

          22. I think so and evidently my wife agrees so it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I know who I am, what my abilities are, my short comings and what I believe in. With GOD’s help I am very successful and have a very good life. I am more of a gift than a prize.

          23. Well, when I was young I had a wife probably much like yours. She was a blessing, although she left everything to me, which was quite exhausting. I told her what to do and she proudly did it. She died when she was 42.
            I actually married her best friend. That’s two wonderful wives in one lifetime. Yet, they are almost opposites of each other. I would never dream of telling my current wife what to do. It is really never called for, since she knows what to do already.
            Yet, they both love me.
            Imagine that.
            Your comment, was just a bit boorish, even though I am sure you are both as happy as things ever allow. It was your over-the-top boorishness on such a subject that elicited my comment, not your marriage. Although I hate PC.
            It never helps to boast of being a mere brute, which is the way I read it.

          24. That isn’t what I was shooting for. Boorish and brutish. Probably a little bit of both. I just find it difficult to suffer fools.

          25. We just got back from a 4 day camping trip. We live in a nice paid for home in N. Texas. She has not been employed for 5 years and does pretty much whatever she pleases. All made possible by investments in real estate and precious metals which I made over the last 30 years. Why would she leave? What have you got going for you?

          26. Sounds like you’ve done well. Your comments & verbage sounded threatening towards your wife. Commenting “she won’t leave no matter how mad I make her”. I was referring to emotional respect rather than material “stuff”. As for my family & myself we’ve worked our way to secure our lives on our own, and kids doing the same by example.

          27. Jeez Dave, why don’t you shock the heck out of this poor woman buy some roses, and take her out for a Valentines Day dinner? I bet she will be totally speechless.

          28. I would much rather argue with the feminazi lemmings than waste my money on trying to please or placate them. I am pleasantly surprised they haven’t launched into a vulgar tirade. Not yet that is.

          29. I still do love her but I refuse to be anything other than head of my household. And no one, not the Jewopoly media and not the Roman Catholic Church are going to tell me what my relationship with my wife should be. I am a WASP and damn proud of it.

          30. Well there you are! ………. Even though you are all bristly and brusk you can still admit you DO love her. And I would venture to guess that this woman, with her “limited skill set” might say the same about you even though such a catch as you say you are may make her crazy. Everybody is happy in their own way.

          31. The Jews that own MSM and the entertainment industry have a Satanic agenda. With the Feminist Movement, a C.I.A. psyop ran through the Ford Foundation they created a new class of victim. All women are now told how abused and unhappy they are. All because of male chauvanism. The Hegelian Dialectic of control. Problem Reaction Solution The Communists will use any trick in the book to destroy the current system.

          32. Exception, not the rule. Now you know why we all want divorces where you get out what you put in.

          33. Sounds like role reversal. Apparently you drew a judge who was tired of seeing the husband get screwed and decided to even the scales a little……at your expense. Sucks to be you. Believe me, though, it doesn’t usually go that way.

          34. Try it sometime, hon. See how you like being robbed in open court. Then come back and tell me how much you enjoyed the experience.

          35. Sorry to hear that. You are part of small percent of women that get burned. The majority of time it’s the men that get burned.

          36. It’s not karma. You did nothing to bring that on. Blaming women who are stand up for those who aren’t is just axe grinding. I hope you meet someone with whom combined resources enable both of your happy retirements. That’s what you deserve.

          37. 100% true!!! have kids? you get crucified. want to be equal put play victim card at the divorce hearing

          38. Well Annabel I have been married more than once and find full time life with a woman more than I want to deal with. If you want a friend, lover, confidant then I am there but I like having my home and life also. If that is not what someone else wants that is fine, they are entitled to search for their happiness also.

          39. As an ex-military retiree that is funny, of course many civilians don’t have a clue what you are talking about.

          40. I made my second wife wait 6 years before I asked her to marry me after an 18 year marriage. I too was dumped. And, it was worth it. We’ve now been together almost 20.

          41. Those stories are quite common. I guess that’s why they call it “common law marriage”! (I know why it really is, so don’t any wiseguys correct me. It’s a joke, son.)
            I knew a gentleman in his late eighties who had been married five years and his wife disappeared. He found a girlfriend who lived with him unmarried for over fifty years. He always said that the thought they didn’t have to put up with each other helped them get by. They both had awful tempers.
            He treated her quite well in his will, leaving her the house and all the things that he felt were really hers, and a nice chunk of his personal dough, but she never got the family business, which went to his son (from the first wife) who worked like a lifetime like a dog to become the owner. It was the most just settlement I ever heard of. Both sides got exactly what they deserved.
            How often does that happen, once the stupid courts get involved?

          42. Did 20+, was going for 30, she declined reenlistment…as it was my 1st hitch, it wasn’t ‘bohica’ but rather just ‘bo’…and yes, the courts today want any man that worked, saved, and has assets worth taking to do their best Ned Beatty impersonation and squeal like a pig… 🙁 Run that risk again at 50+ years of age? Oh hell no!

          43. As a 68 year old senior male, I have to agree with that. I have had my share of women. The older I get, the less they have to offer me. Companionship? I am my own best friend.

          44. You finally learned….it’s not worth it as you get older. In fact, it’s not worth it when you’re young either…the younger ones will learn the hard way.

          45. I am 65 and after a finacially devastating divorce I have choen to live alone and its WONDERFUL!! I eat when I am hungry sleep when I am tired . No stress at all. I’ve met several women online that prefer to libe alone but when we want sex or just companiondhip we get together.

      1. sue it’s nice to have your personal slave (aka wife) to care for a you – but women finally smartened up. i would never fall into a trap of marriage knowing what’s in store for a wife – but sure married if i were a man.

        1. Slave? There is a reason why divorce rates skyrocketing coincides with the birth and rapid growth of the militant feminism movement. A man working his butt off with the ability to fully focus on his job and the confidence that his wife was handling the home front allowed America to be at its best. Kids being raised by hourly wage daycare workers and couples both working full time has ruined the nuclear family. Women did not smarten up, they were fooled into thinking that being a mother and wife was beneath them. In truth, it I is the single most important thing a woman can contribute to a family and the continuance of our values and culture.

          In exchange for what my loving wife commits to our family, I work relentlessly, providing security, wealth and a platform to launch our children towards an adulthood of prosperous self reliance and an appreciation for a traditional family.

          Seems like a pretty fair and honorable arrangement to me. I can see no possible reason to marry a woman that is career driven with no desire to give up their job to be a wife and mother.

          Restore the patriarchy!

          1. Excellent post. Very few people see the nuclear family in an historical context. Feminism/liberalism has led to the decline in the strong nuclear middle class family, and the end of a strong middle class culture.

          2. The Feminist movement was sponsored through the Ford Foundation and the C.I.A. which is totally controlled by Zionist Jews just like the Federal Reserve.

          3. It isn’t racist and it isn’t a mistake to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. How about you grow a backbone instead of acting like Pavlo’s dog and jump to assumptions like trained Jew apologists always do. Attack the message. Not the messenger. Prove me wrong.

          4. Cut and paste any quote I have posted into a Webcrawler search and it will take you to the source which is 436quotesbyandaboutjews. Do not use Google. Brin is a part of the Zionist control matrix.

          5. Zionists are NOT a race of people. They are a cabal of individuals who adhere to a political agenda of natural supremacy affirmed by a theocratic base in ancient Judaism. Zionists have more-or-less hijacked the Jewish faith and use it as religious cover for their covert program of world domination. They also appear to share a common origin from the now-defunct Khazarian empire that disintegrated in the 12th century A.D. with a resultant diaspora into the European nations. Not all Jews are Zionists, but all upper-echelon Zionists do appear to be Jewish. There are also some small groups of misguided Christians who are Zionist “useful idiots” like the John Charles Hagee crowd in San Antonio, Texas. But Zionism is the most dangerous evil that threatens White, Christian, Western civilization today. More so than even Radical Islam. They are to be recognized and fought against as the evil that they truly represent.

          6. Christian Zionist is an oxymoron. There are an estimated 60 million oxymoronic Zionist Christians in the U.S. All made possible by the central bank controlled by Rothschild Zionist Jews a.k.a. the Federal Reserve. Anything could happen should they ever feel threatened by the public or the government. I seriously believe that Israel is going to inveigle a war between the U.S. and Iran thus destroying the only remaining existential threat to Israel.

          7. Is that the best you can do? Pathetic. Perhaps this thread is too adult for you.

            27). “I fear the Jewish banks with their craftiness and
            tortuous tricks will entirely control the exuberant riches of
            America. And use it to systematically corrupt modern
            civilization. The Jews will not hesitate to plunge the whole of
            Christendom into wars and chaos that the earth should become
            their inheritance.” (Bismarck)

            Jones is a Zionist shill and his interview with David Duke proves it. The fact that Infowars has removed David Duke’s appearance is more evidence that Infowars is shilling for the Zionists that control every important institution in the U.S. Prove me wrong.

          8. And your intellectual abilities compare to the man responsible for unifying Germany into the modern state it is today? Otto Von Bismarck was much more educated and much more worldly than you. Therefore I take his remarks under critical consideration and easily see that he was right. Try this annabel. Webcrawler “436quotesbyandaboutjews” I think you will be amazed and baffled by how little you truly know about the Jews. A mind like a parachute works much better when it is open. Don’t let your ignorance and brainwashing stop you from knowing the truth.

          9. Alex Jones was married (now divorced) to a Jewish woman. His children all attend a Jewish day school. Alex Jones himself is an Israeli shill that will not criticize Israel on the public platform of his Internet radio program Infowars. Most of his sponsors and many of his chief employees are Jewish. Alex is embedded in Zionism.

          10. Women are so easily mislead because they think with their hearts and not their heads. They are emotional, impetuous and irrational but they excel at nurturing. What is truly incredible is how the likes of Gloria Steinem have managed to engender an undeserved hatred for all men except perhaps the homosexual and transgenders which the feminazi seem to wholeheartedly embrace.

          11. I will settle for restoring common sense. Women who think they can do it all (have a career, raise the kids at the same time) are not realistic. Somewhere, in some fashion, something has to give & it’s usually the interests of the kids. Motherhood should never be shamed in any way; meantime, women need to wake up & quit falling for the feminist BS that permeates the arena of ideas.

          12. “Please post links to reliable sources that back up your relentless “it’s the Jooooooooos” rhetoric.”

          13. I have done research here & there but it’s really incumbent upon you to provide links or others are just going to dismiss your input as useless while others will label you (perhaps correctly) as someone with biased, antisemitic sentiments not to be taken seriously.

          14. One either has discernment or they don’t. I can plant the seed but I can’t make it grow. What is incumbent is for people to do their own research.

          15. There is a virtual ORGY of factual information out there that implicates the Jews in a conspiracy to dominate the world and to destroy White, Christian, European peoples. One would have to be blind to be ignorant of it! Just Google “Jewish Conspiracy” and you will more links than you can handle in 5 years time. Don’t place the burden on every individual blogger who makes the assertion that Zionists Jews are evil. Place it on yourself to research the issue like the rest of us have done. I am guessing that with a biblical name like “David” you are Jewish yourself. I hope you are a Sephardic, rather than Ashkenazi (Zionist), Jew. Odds are one to six against it.

          16. I suppose it is possible because my mother’s maiden name was Koch and she was born in New York. That being said my parents never said we were Jewish. When I read the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion it became perfectly clear to me that the enemy are the Kabbalah mystery school Talmudic Luciferian Jews that get their power from ritual human sacrifice. They have been killing babies as a sacrifice to different pagan gods going all the way back to their Babylonian captivity between 416 and 486 B.C. Ritual human sacrifice is the number one reason they have been expelled from over 100 nations. There is a YouTube video of the Oprah Winfrey show interview with a Jewess that admits to murdering her own children for the Satanic cult she is a part of.

          17. I wonder how many kids raised by these hourly wage workers are showing signs of shaken baby syndrome as adults?

        2. Maybe in Islam the wife is a personal slave. Where the husband can beat you if you don’t care for him the right way. Otherwise, you are still free to do whatever you want. You are either a liar or an idiot.

      2. If you’ve provided a secure retirement for yourself, sorry but remind me, why would either man or woman want to share that and end up risking it in the process?

      3. You must be a member of the Milennial-retardo generation, meaning you have a difficult time relating to people, you feel as entitled as a 6-year-old and have the attention span of a gnat.

    3. If you can’t even eat healthy foods on your own… Sheesh, it sounds like you have a mommy replacement instead of a wife.
      My grandfather married after my grandmother died young, got divorced. Learned his lesson, lived out the rest of his days single. Then there was an old guy whose wife had died while he was in his 70s, he lived until 91 and never married again. He built quite a bit of wealth, but kept all the money grubbing widows at bay. He just saw it as his duty to keep his wealth intact for his kids and not risk it by marrying. The semi-retired school teacher around the corner was so frustrated that he wouldn’t marry her.

      1. he said he wouldn’t eat it on his own, not that he can’t prepare it.. There is more beauty there than a “mommy” situation that I feel you are missing.. But I can respect your POV here.. If the relationship is truly and purely on love, this action is merely preserving the companion you couldn’t imagine life without. I realize few relationships are actually like this, in which case, fending off would-be inheritors is also reasonable, but you shouldn’t miss the beauty of Micheal’s situation. Sounds like he appreciates the fact that she wants him to be healthy and as a result, eats crap he wouldn’t consider on his own. It isn’t always about financial unions good sir.

        1. What’s wrong with a prenup? It doesn’t preclude changing your mind if the situation warrants. In the senior years, each party has acquired whatever on their own, It seems totally unreasonable that they would just hand it over after a year or two.

          1. Courts don’t abide by prenups. Many divorced men get shellacked even with a prenup. Saying I don’t instead of I do is the best way.

          2. It’s that “women’s privilege” thing. Our society is still geared to favor them in divorces with alimony for life, half of all your stuff, etc. In court the judges still adhere to the immoral rule of “keeping her in a lifestyle she is accustomed to”, but usually that lifestyle, which involved not working, playing tennis five days a week, lunch with friends every day, was unaffordable and a contributing reason for the divorce. I say if they’re not handicapped, they shouldn’t get alimony, if they didn’t work and contribute they shouldn’t get half of everything. Women like to claim they are “feminists” and independent until it comes to divorce, then they have the entitlement mentality of a welfare recipient. Until that attitude and the attitude of the courts change, it is likely the trend toward not remarrying will only increase. Fool me once…

          3. Maybe when the government got even more involved in people’s private lives and declared same-sex partnerships could be called a “marriage” a lot of people decided the government wasn’t going to dictate the terms of their own relationships. The definition of marriage was spurned by the government so sensible folks will define their relationships without government ‘help.’ Makes as much sense to me as calling something a marriage which is not.

        2. Women don’t truly love men like we love them. If you suddenly can’t provide cash and prizes for them they’re gone POOF! They will move on amazingly fast and not give you a second thought while you have months or years of heartbreak. Hypergamy is real. You don’t have her, it’s just your turn. AWALT. But you can keep believing the Disney fairytale you are force fed Zero.

          1. My wife stuck with me through several lay-offs.. we lost of everything, several times due to “off-shoring” the jobs. Homeless for a month even! Not once did she even hint at unhappiness with me(obviously not excited at losing everything – but that is perfectly reasonable to me, who the hell would?).. This is the problem, too many people think they have love when they are in a financial union or totally forget the concept of gratitude.. It’s no fairy tale, believe me.. but neither of us EVER question the devotion of the other.. We are now doing fairly well financially and I rest easy knowing the money has absolutely NOTHING to do with the relationship.. (And I can assure you, back then, it did not appear that I would have any amount of success in some form of a “long bet” )

            Now, I do actually see where you are coming from.. I’ve seen petty whores devastate good, decent men.. I admit, I have found a rare and truly wonderful woman, but she isn’t a f***g unicorn! You HAVE to change your attitude friend.. Being this cynical won’t attract anyone decent and you will become your own self-fulfilling prophecy.. I sincerely hope that your life leads you to someone that will change this outlook..

            and F**K Disney for creating such an unrealistic image of happiness.. Real love is just like the original comment – eating crap you hate because it makes someone else happy, and in turn, they do something they don’t like for you.. Simple gratitude and reciprocation..

          2. Look at the number of beautiful and innocent little girls Disney has introduced to Satanic whoredom. Spears, Aguilara and the most recent success of the homosexual Jews that own the 10 largest Hollywood studios, Molly Cyrus. There are innumerable subliminal sexual messages hidden in Disney cartoons. YouTube has many videos that prove this fact.

        1. “spk53,” There are, sadly, truck loads of stories of adult kids who put pressure on the surviving parent to not consider any significant other, because they want to inherit as much as they can. Stories of them interfearing in the surviving parent’s social doings. There are good and bad stories involving what all takes place in people’s later years. “To each his own,” said the old lady who kissed her cow.

          1. Those green eyed bairns are precisely the reason the oldies ought to enjoy the fruits of their labors. Let them earn their own rather than parasitize off Grams or Gramps.

    4. Being roughly the same age as you, married for approximately the same length of time, to a woman also ten years younger, I’d suggest that, if a couple are living separately, then they are not ‘committed’.

      1. that’s because your definition of ‘committed’ means living together. Others can, and do, define it differently, and live it differently. Two people can love each other, live apart, be happy … and be far more committed to each other, than many couples who live together.

        1. I’d posit that, because ‘some’ people living apart might be ‘more committed’ than ‘some people who live together’, is selective observation, and does not speak to ‘total commitment’.

          1. ‘Some’ couples who live apart end up killing each other, while ‘some’ couples who live together don’t. That’s basically the reverse of MB’s argument, and it proves nothing either way.

    5. You are a very, very lucky man–to have found happiness with an agreeable, affectionate woman. They’re an increasingly rare species, because of the relentless feminist brain-washing that most American women have been subject to in our culture. God bless you both.

      1. Where do women get these man hating views? Easy to prove. 96% of all media is in the hands of Jews. The 10 largest Hollywood studios are owned by homosexual Jew men. In fact the producer of X-Men, Brian Singer is being sued at this very moment for sodomizing 2 teenage boys in his hot tub.

          1. Once again. Prove me wrong. Otherwise you just look like an opportunistic apologist for the Jews that are wreaking havoc on America. Time for you to take off the Jew blinders.

            27). “I fear the Jewish banks with their craftiness and
            tortuous tricks will entirely control the exuberant riches of
            America. And use it to systematically corrupt modern
            civilization. The Jews will not hesitate to plunge the whole of
            Christendom into wars and chaos that the earth should become
            their inheritance.” (Bismarck)

            28). “The Christians are always singing about the blood.
            Let us give them enough of it! Let us cut their throats and
            drag them over the altar! And let them drown in their own blood!
            I dream of the day when the last priest is strangled on the
            guts of the last preacher.” (Jewish Chairman of the American
            Communist Party, Gus Hall).

            29). “Wars are the Jews harvest, for with them we wipe out
            the Christians and get control of their gold. We have already
            killed 100 million of them, and the end is not yet.” (Chief
            Rabbi in France, in 1859, Rabbi Reichorn).

            30). “We Jews regard our race as superior to all humanity,
            and look forward, not to its ultimate union with other races,
            but to its triumph over them.” (Goldwin Smith, Jewish Professor
            of Modern History at Oxford University, October, 1981)

            31). “We Jews, we are the destroyers and will remain the
            destroyers. Nothing you can do will meet our demands and needs.
            We will forever destroy because we want a world of our own.”
            (You Gentiles, by Jewish Author Maurice Samuels, p. 155).

            32). “We will have a world government whether you like it
            or not. The only question is whether that government will be
            achieved by conquest or consent.” (Jewish Banker Paul Warburg,
            February 17, 1950, as he testified before the U.S. Senate).

            33). “Your people are so paranoid, it is obvious we can no
            longer permit you to exist. We cannot allow you to spread your
            filthy, immoral, Christian beliefs to the rest of the world.
            Naturally, you oppose World Government, unless it is under your
            FascistChristian control. Who are you to proclaim that your
            ChristianAmerican way is the best? It is obvious you have never
            been exposed to the communist system. When nationalism is
            finally smashed in America. I will personally be there to
            firebomb your church, burn your Bibles, confiscate your firearms
            and take your children away. We will send them to Eastern Bloc
            schools and reeducate them to become the future leaders of a
            OneWorld Government, and to run our Socialist Republic of
            America. We are taking over the world and there is nothing you
            can do to stop us.” (Letter from a Spokane, Washington Jew to
            Christian Pastor Sheldon Emry).

            34). “We shall drive the Christians into war by exploiting
            their national vanity and stupidity. They will then massacre
            each other, thus giving room for our own people.” (Rabbi
            Reichorn, in Le Contemporain, July 1st, 1880)

          2. I already mentioned Bismark in another post.
            Gus Hall; He was a communist and didn’t care much for religion. Also, that quote wasn’t even originated from him. It was Diderot.
            I’ll give you Rabbi Reichorn, but modern jews, in the U.S. at least think he’s a nut job extremist. Not thousands of extremists. One.
            Sigh. Goldman was not jewish
            Another jewish guys opinion. Another Stormfront favorite.Enough said
            Paul Warburg If you ever bothered to read up more on him, besides White Nationalist publications, the “we” he was speaking of was the United Nations
            And the letter from a Spokane jew to a pastor? Are you seriously kidding me? What did she do? Sign it Sincerely Christian Hater? That’s the stupidest one of all. I can write to the local paper and bash the jews and claim I’m a christian

            You’ve got to get off The Stormfront, Rense, David Duke, the evils of zionism,The Daily Stormer and my favorite “Jews are doo, doo heads and I don’t like them so I’m going to stand in a corner and pout.

            I’m a lot of things, but uninformed and stupid and pathetic and not being an adult aren’t any of them

          3. Between 1918 and 1957 the Jew inspired Bolshevik Revolution resulted in the slaughter of 66 MILLION WHITE RUSSIAN CHRISTIANS. Deny it all you want but no other race and no other “racist” state, the JEWISH STATE OF ISRAEL has had a greater negative impact on world history.

            40). “Zionism was willing to sacrifice the whole of
            European Jewry for a Zionist State. Everything was done to
            create a state of Israel and that was only possible through a
            world war. Wall Street and Jewish large bankers aided the war
            effort on both sides. Zionists are also to blame for provoking
            the growing hatred for Jews in 1988.” (Joseph Burg, The Toronto
            Star, March 31, 1988).

            41). “There is scarcely an event in modern history that
            cannot be traced to the Jews. We Jews today, are nothing else
            but the world’s seducers, its destroyer’s, its incendiaries.”
            (Jewish Writer, Oscar Levy, The World Significance of the
            Russian Revolution)

            Albert Pike, 33 degree Freemason predicted 3 world wars in Morals and Dogma. Jews, as predicted by Pike will launch the world into World War 3. The final battle will be between political Zionism and fascist Islam. Of course you already know this. Right? And you have read The Project For a New American Century white paper produced by the Zionist think tank headed by Zionist Jew Paul Wolfowitz? Until you do you don’t know half the truth.

          4. OMG. Give it up already. I already spent an hour of research on your crap, my husband’s driving home in a blizzard and its the premiere of the second half of The Walking Dead. Dead fetid zombies interest me more than you.

          5. So now your own words show your true character. That insipid garbage that passes as entertainment is more deserving of respect than someone trying to wake you up from your Jew induced coma. You have a reprobate mind so I will not waste my time.

          1. Do your own research. It is the Jews and their own writings prove it. I can lead you to the facts but I can’t make you accept them.

          2. Cop out. I have done research & somehow I have come away with a POV that does not line up with yours one bit.

          3. How difficult can it be to “cut and paste” any quote I have posted into a Webcrawler search? Are you suffering from arrested development or just lazy?

    6. “Plus, I enjoy her company, even if I’m downstairs and she is upstairs.”

      So you actually DO enjoy being “away” from your spouse at times…

      THAT is the point of the whole story. It’s the amount of time you spend apart that is being considered and for some people, regardless of your personal preferences, they actually find it enhances their relationship NOT to have someone breathing down their neck 24/7. Takes all kinds.

      1. You’re exactly right. My current girlfriend of 11 years had a husband that was cheating on her for 17 years of their 20 year marriage with tens of women.

    7. I have found the perfect happy medium. My girlfriend lives in the root cellar, and whenever I feel like I need company, I just remove the padlock.

    8. Well HM, I salute you and I salute your wife. You are one of the incredibly few people in our society that have found “true love”. Which I sincerely believe in by the way. But because of our totally screwed up societal “norms” (so called) remains illusive to the vast majority. Good for you.

    9. See how it works for YOU. What works for YOU may not work for ALL. Many people have been hurt many times and with the uncertainty of what our elected corrupted zionist communist supporting officials will do is unsettling to say the least.

    10. “All that we do for each other like taking out the trash, cooking, cleaning, making the bed”…. okay… we know what you do …. what about her?

    11. No offense, but spoken like a true man. This study could go on to say that men are happiest when they are married. Women are happiest when they have a best friend in another woman not in a man. Kind of sad it does not work both ways.

    12. I am a jack of all trades except HVAC work for which one must have a license to buy freon. That being said, I once asked my wife during a heated argument, “Just what is it you do for me that I couldn’t do for myself?” Her answer. “Make love to you.” Must be a fairly even swap because we are still together after 35 years.

    13. Good for you. I like a little – no, make that a LOT – more independence in my life. The separate residence idea saved my marriage, and we’re both happier as a result.

    14. I am glad you are living is a dream. Wait till she serves you with divorce papers, The harsh reality of your former life will come crashing down on your head. All good things in life come to an end eventually. Women will lull you into a false sense of security, only to pull the rug out behind your feet. when you least expect it.

    15. Aww good for you! Probably the best thing for guys is the quality of meals when they are married or have a steady girlfriend ; )

    16. GOOD FOR YOU. however i will never marry again. i will never allow someone to have that much control over me to wreck me. i’ve been destroyed and come back from the ashes of those who used me for their benefit. it shall never happen again. i like separate homes. it gives me the space i need . when my S/O do get together, it is special and we enjoy one another’s time together… but live together? get married? legally allow someone else to own me like pair of shoes? no. apart, living the life of “LAT” as they put it, i establish the boundaries that keep me safe . i draw the line in the sand and no one shall cross …not even my g/f…or i’ll drop off the face of the planet and she wont even know where i am. i am this serious…no one will wreck me again…you learn this when you’ve fallen in love with a sociopath…and dont be so arrogant; it can happen to you! (the sociopath and my current g/f are not the same person.). you can allow someone to control you, that’s your choice. not for me

    17. I’ve done the same and about at the same ages.
      But, if my wife dies before me, I will not remarry.

      I’ve been married before and will not go thru that again if my present spouse dies.
      Further, many insurance issues and major financial issues will be thrown into a mess if I remarry again.
      I think I’d just stay in my home and let other relationships happen out side of marriage.
      Adults can share their lives together without getting the State or the Church’s approvals.

  2. Sounds to me like someone who never had a real job or could not get hired if they tried just latched on to some grant (TAX) money to get a paycheck. First, this implies that they each maintain their own homes: only the well-to-do can afford such arrangements today….a dwindling group, except for the 1% who have always lived this way. Second, the study actually implies that they refuse to make a commitment because of past experiences or greed: sorry, that implies it is for sex and not for love. This study is so bogus even fake MSM probably won’t touch it!

    1. Totally agree Jack. Now, there will be a “need” for further study. AKA more grant money. If this researcher could somehow figure out a way to include the impact on global warming by two people living apart, then she could really cash in.

    2. Your issue with maintaining one’s own home later in life as an arrangement only for the 1% is an interesting one. Where are the older single people living if not in their own homes? Are you suggesting older people choose to live together to cut costs? I am in this age bracket, but not this situation. After 40 wonderful years (and many more, I hope) with one man, I would not complicate/jeopardize all I have by moving in with or marrying another. You call this greed. I don’t. Several women I know are widowed. They are each in relationships with men they care about, but none of them wish for anything more permanent. They cared for ill husbands. Not a road they wish to go down again. Too many men out there are afraid of old age and are looking for caregivers and the families of these men are all too willing to let the new wife do it. Noticed MMICHAELH in an earlier comment. His new wife is 10 years younger than he is. The women I know maintain separate homes and they are happy. PS. They are not 1%er’s. Get the chip off your shoulder.

      1. Sandra, plenty of older men have cared for sickly wives also. My best friend age 72 has been caring for his wife with alzheimers for 8 years and no end in sight. She doesn’t even recognize him. The story of the sexes is a two way street. Many men who have been burned in former relationships finally wise up and decide living alone is best.

      2. You’ve got so many “adults” living like teenagers, have to have a new car, have to keep up with the jonses and then they’re surprised when at the end of life they don’t actually own anything. My parents weren’t fiscally responsible people, thankfully when I was young I worked with an older guy that made all the math seem extremely obvious.

        It’s easier to blame the “evil rich” for their problems than to admit they were foolish.

    3. You have to be a 1%er to maintain a home? Hahah. I wish they still taught economic responsibility in schools. Don’t use debt. I just told you how to maintain a home and nice car without being “AN EVIL 1%er OoooOOOooo”. I do so and I only bring in 40K. Hardly a 1%er, you class warfare crybaby.

      It takes a little longer, you don’t have the immediate gratification that comes with putting Zaxbys on your credit card, but the end game is exponentially better. I drove crappy cars until I could save enough cash for a nice one. I lived in a dump for several years while I saved for a house. Live on less than I make. Say “no” to self like an adult, no fast food if it isn’t in the budget. etc.

      I was raised in a home where “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer” and “little man couldn’t get ahead”. As soon as I dumped that mentality and started worrying about myself more that those “evil rich people” my entire life improved.

    4. Sounds like a narrow point of view. My husband and I are middle working class and retirement age. We own two houses and several pieces of property and have investments. We are far from the 1% and certainly live nothing like they do. If I were to be widowed, I would not seek marriage because:
      1. I have raised my family and do not want to be entangled in another.
      2. I am financially secure and wish to retire, travel, and pursue my own interests and hobbies after a lifetime of caretaking a man with a chronic disease.
      3. Organize my home and things the way I would like.
      4. After 30 years of marriage with no sex, I would like to have a sex partner occasionally.
      5. I would like to walk away from dramatic situations and bullies and not have to put up with them in my home, family, or employment.
      6. I have spent my whole life doing for others and would like a few years before I die to do for myself.

    5. You have to be a 1%er to maintain a home? Hahah. I wish they
      still taught economic responsibility in schools. Don’t use debt. I just
      told you how to maintain a home and nice car without being “AN EVIL 1%er
      OoooOOOooo”. I do so and I only bring in 40K. Hardly a 1%er.

      It takes a little longer, you don’t have the immediate gratification
      that comes with putting Zaxbys on your credit card, but the end game is
      exponentially better. I drove crappy cars until I could save enough cash
      for a nice one. I lived in a dump for several years while I saved for a
      house. Live on less than I make. Say “no” to self like an adult, no
      fast food if it isn’t in the budget. etc.

      I was raised in a home where “the rich get richer and the poor get
      poorer” and “little man couldn’t get ahead”. As soon as I dumped that
      mentality and started worrying about myself more that those “evil rich
      people” my entire life improved.

  3. Ultimately, all couples are looking for true intimacy that touches their soul at a deep level. God’s Design for this is found in lifelong marriage with couples experiencing emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy. This type of intimacy is enjoyed by very few people and requires a commitment to be fully known, fully loved and fully committed to. We explain this in our book, Pursuit of Passion (Murphy & Sibert). It’s life transforming!

    1. I’ve been in a LAT relationship for several years. Its a mixed bag, folks. If you like working on hobbies/projects, its great in that you can do your own thing till midnight if you want, without feeling guilty, ie, depriving the other party of your attention. Time spent together feels more “fresh” and there are no arguments over money, her kids, your kids and all that.

      Still, if that perfect person and situation could be found, I would prefer living together for what its worth.

      1. How is living together any different with regards to time alone for hobbies? If you are committed, you allow the other person to have guilt free time to persue their other needs. Living apart for that reason is just as greedy… and, it takes even more time away from the relationship. I have my hobbies and she has hers… And, sometimes I accomplish something or discover something and want to share it. Is she really interested, No but I am not interested in her needlepoint either but we celebrate each other’s. accomplishments. If it had to wait until we got back together, it would be long forgotten. Life is made up of moments, not a daily report of what each has accomplished.

      2. You’re spot on, but after a fresh divorce after 25yrs together I’m ready for being single, probably forever. But I do have an LAT as well. Not sure how much longer it will last because she wants more I believe. She says she loves me….but I do not want all that comes with that… Fly free honey…fly free..

    2. Fake news! They don’t say enough how this research was actually conducted: How many people were studied, how were participants selected and what was the sample frame (all adults between age x and age y), what was the geographic spread (national sample? rural vs. metro vs. suburb?), who funded this study, what were the in-going hypotheses, etc. Just the usual junk study you see on the internet.

    3. For those very FEW who are lucky enough to find a partner capable of it. And 98% of us don’t, thank you very much. The myth of the soul-level romantic love you describe has caused more human suffering than all wars, combined. Unicorns may exist, but they are extremely rare.

      1. GayMike is all about lying and deception. His own morals , or lack their of, he projects onto others. I told my LAT that I am not dating anyone person. She got the message loud and clear. I said the same thing to the last LAT. Someday I may find a soulmate, until then I’ll keep playing the field all I want. Besides, Feminism destroyed the legal rights of men, why in the FLYING FUK would I step into that minefield? Only a total IDIOT, or a homeless (read previously divorced male, who’s wife got everything) would marry under today’s legal system. FUK THAT!!

        1. Oh, so it’s ok that you fool around with other women as long as you get permission? You totally missed my point: you’re a selfish bastard who just wants what you want, and you THINK you’ve found a woman who aligns with your thinking, but my guess is she’s just desperate to have someone, even if he’s out there collecting STDs to bring home to her.

      2. Really? Your logic sucks. So if people live together they do not cheat and people who are seriously dating but do not live together can’t be faithful? Take your meds Gay Mike.

  4. I wonder if there is a growing trend depicting how I live ? My spouse stopped all intimacy over a year ago . It’s been sporadic for a decade . We’ve been married 26 years and I don’t understand it all . My spouse just says , “not interested”. Apparently there is no divorce in the offing . I am so lonely and sad . But I married for better or worse . I’m certainly getting the “worse” now . Having just retired and with far too much time on my hands , I find this very painful . I still love my spouse and looking at my golden years as the deserts of my life . Is this LAT ? If so, it sucks . Can’t recommend it.

    1. As a 61-yr old male, I could write a book on why he is taking such a position, but the bottom line is there is no emotional intimacy in the relationship. Emotional intimacy requires effort and selflessness on the part of BOTH people in the relationship, and all too often BOTH people are negligent in loving each other ( I’m using love as a verb here, not a feeling) this way. Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another, expecting nothing in return, whether deserved or not. Only God can give us the ability to love like that, but if both people are doing it with His help, the physical intimacy will be INCREDIBLE!!! Both of you need to read Dr. Paul Tripp’s book called “What Did You Expect”. Highly recommend it!!!

    2. Dang, same exact story I’ve been telling past 3 yrs….married 25yrs, now divorced. But we are on friendly, agreeable terms so it’s all ok. But your story sounds a lot like mine. I feel for you as you’re still in the ‘ uncertain as to what is going to happen’, stage.

  5. I was widowed 3 years ago after 30 years of marriage. Was not interested in taking care of another man/child but when my first love from 45 years sgo reached out to me 7 months ago, we reconnected and after a while, I started staying with him almost full time. After realizing he was just another man/child who wanted to be taken care of, I packed my bags snd headed home (which is 500 miles away). Glad I gsve it a shot because now I know the only person I want to be with is me (and my dog and grandkids).

    1. Women turn men into “manchildren” by being demanding and opinionated. Then they complain when the men take no initiative to do anything. Then the women become shrews.

        1. Most guys just want peace, so they allow themselves to become acclimated to the role of “manchild” or face a relentless tumultuous life with their wives. Little do they realize that it happens in either case.

      1. Yeah…it’s real demanding that he get off the lousy sofa, stop playing x-box and get a job and contribute to the family which consists of his kid from another relationship. I marry him and he is gainfully employed, take on his kid who is autistic and then he quits his job but pretends he is going to work because a couple of women at work made fun of him. He has one chance then he is kicked to the curb. There is 2-3 generations of “boys” out there who think “wifey” is going to take care of them in everything they need. Go to hell.

        1. You find your men in the wrong places or you like the wrong kinds. Responsible, loyal men are often less fun. Every character trait tends to have good and bad attributes. We all want the good, but it is foolish to ignore the existence of the potential bad that goes with it.

        2. Nanky52, I feel your pain. Sounds like you got one with some bad traits. You know that people change themselves, only if they want to change. You sound like a good lady, and I hope you can figure out a solution for yourself. I love your candid take on this.

    2. I hear you Olive. But narrow minded people (read Leftists) like GayMike would FORCE you to fulfill a role.
      I have my Love. She is on the other side of town. Last night we put on a movie, and didnt watch a single minute, preferring to turn playful groping into more. This morning found me in my own bed, drinking my own coffee, eating b-fast I made myself. I am not a utility for a woman, and neither is any woman my servant.
      … Granted, along the way I have found many opportunities to fall into those kind of situations, but they are NOT for me. Never play a role, particularly one that GayMike would define for you. We live life on our own terms!!!
      …. I don’t care if these nitwits voted “right” or “left” they are all narrow minded Authoritarian nitwits.

    3. “Olive Galusha,” You are yet another example of how complex we all are. Glad to know that for you, you have found your best place to be.

    4. Sorry to her your first husband (a man-child by your description) passed away.
      Do you think traveling 500 miles to live with another man (to “give it a shot” – ? like rolling the dice in Vegas ?) is a setup for successful relationship?

  6. This long time psychotherapist is not surprised. Marriage, as I was once told by a priest, is hard work. After a large part of a lifetime working in a marriage, when free of it (through divorce or death) many people just don’t want to do that again. So living apart offers the fun and games without the hard work.

      1. A priest would know because priests usually provide marriage counseling to the unhappy married couples in the parish. My father was a minister and he spent many, many hours counseling married couples.

    1. You are missing a HUGE huge HUGE part of the equation. Under today’s laws, women do not have to “try” — they already have everything they need, and the culture and legal system are 110% on their side. Men find themselves hung out to dry, legally, and women use this additional POWER to their personal benefit. Look up the terms “in group gender bias” (decades of study on how selfish women are) and the terms “out of group gender bias” (decades of study on how selfless men are) — then add to that the MASSIVELY unfair power women hold legally, and you now have the total destruction of marriage, and the family unit. Read the (simple) book: Men On Strike, for a REAL perspective on the situation. But don’t tell GayMike, as he would have it: Men are always the problem.

  7. After 25 years of marriage, my wife has become like a sister. She has little interest in me, I her. There is love but not in the traditional husband/wife sense. A divorce is unlikely, economically I would lose greatly. What’s that old song…”it’s cheaper to keep her”? Looking back, I do not recommend marriage for any American male.

    1. You’ve both apparently stopped trying. A few weeks ago, I decided to start kissing my wife more: Kiss hello, kiss goodbye, kiss when she least expects it. A small thing that has brought happiness and more intimacy to the both of us.

      1. I did all of that. Mattered not. Her mind was made up. 25yr relationship,15 yr marriage…no more. She could never really tell me why besides her unhappiness and what she thought was my lack of ambition even though I have been a hard working individual employed at same company 28yrs, play and write music, bike, hockey and many other things but was not enough. Oh well, we’re on fine terms today and we’re both happy overall. Divorced officially now, but if she ever wanted to get back together I’d be surprised but would probably do it. I do still love her deep down. 🙂

    2. My husband and I hit a very rough patch around the 10 year mark, because we couldn’t communicate with one another. There was what we thought was separating us, but in the end it turned out to be a completely different reason. He had Vietnam vet issues that were nutting him up inside – and even he did not realize it. We were having “hall sex.” That is where you pass each other in the hall and say “F–k you,” and he says “F–k you, too.” We got some counseling, he got some one-on-one counseling, and it all came back: the love, the joy, the passion, and being in love. Harold, as someone with a 28 yr long passionate, happy marriage, my best advice to you is to give what you want to get.

      Most women in unhappy marriages feel unloved and unwanted – the men feel unwanted – and both sides retreat to a standoff. Step it up and take it to the next level as a man and see if she will join you. Prayer helps, too. Give the marriage and sex life to God and ask Him to repair it. Miracles can happen. Ask her to go on a picnic with you and then you pack a nice lunch you know she would enjoy and then go to the nearest pleasant spot – even if you’re in the car looking at the snow. Unsolicited advice from an old broad out there, but you got it anyway!

    3. Once women get what they want, the male will stop getting what he wants. And the law is there to protect HER, not you. this is why MGTOW, and the marriage strike, is a VERY very real thing today. (imo) It all started with undermining the males’s right via the “tender years doctrine”. It says that males are not required any family rights. Next came “no fault divorce” undermining the males’ financial rights. In short: the Kids are her’s, by default, which means she also gets the house & car; Next, under no fault: The monthly income is her’s, by default. You can thank feminism for these two pieces of law, and for the destruction of the family unit. But don’t tell GayMike, as he would rather all Men take it up the ass.

    4. Yep. Married 15 yrs thought things were going relatively well until she said…I’m not happy’. After a horrible couple of years trying to make her happy we divorced. I about lost my mind. 2 kids, currently 13 14. I never wanted this but she did and so it is. But we are friendly and we agree on everything about the splitting of assets, kids so it’s ok. I have a nice house now, near where we lived. Kids 50/50. I will never marry again…53. I do have a gal that lives on other side of town and see her a few times a month. That’s all I want. If she wants more she’ll need to move on. I’m happy today overall.

    5. Its true. American men are stuck. My wife and i love each other and have been married for 36 years. She has hormone issues (over weight and non existant libido) that she refuses to address so i suffer. I don’t want to devorce because it would be financially catastrophic, and, as i stated i do love her, for the entire family so my needs go unmet. There doesn’t seem to be a way out.

  8. Friends with benefits for old people. It’s all fun and games till life gets hard. That’s when commitment, perseverance and sacrifice matter.

    1. And where does *trust fit into that? Everyone should just blindly trust that that other older person is willing and capable? Or perhaps you are the perfect match maker?
      … I am not saying that your point is not valid, as it is!! The fact that baby boomers upset the demographics (abortion, killing 17 million defenseless babies for the sake of convenience or they would rather buy shoes w the money) means that having someone to take care of them in their old age will become VERY expensive. This is far less of a problem for rich widows, than it is for males who’s lives were financially destroyed by no fault divorce.

    2. Um, we’re talking about Baby Boomers. “Sacrifice” is not in their vocabulary.
      Boomers are the worst effing generation in America’s history. Thank God they’ll be dead soon!! Thank. God.

      1. I know many and most boomers for whom that is not true. Many absorbed and applied the values of the great generation who were their parents. A boomer who’s been married 40 or 50 years who has lost a spouse may understandably be reluctant and careful about committing in a hurry again to an unknown. Wearing out a path in the grass to their new friend next door is their choice and their prerogative, and after half a century I’d say that they’ve earned it. No one lives on this earth for free, boomer or not. They are much maligned, and have provided for themselves and their families for more than half a century. Perhaps you should refocus at the financial manipulators, who are probably less than .1 %.

    3. “Enoch McCarter,” When the medical issues become of concern, truly, it gives a deaper meaning to the word “committment”.

  9. How can a person experience the real meaning of “love” living apart from that other person that bring “life” to its meaning?
    At my age – mid 80’s – I have been married to my life-partner 40 years (our 2nd marriage for both) Intimacy as well as companionship have always being present and part of the “package” that we were willing to accept when we met. Yes, the package may bring some insignificant “Down” moments but our life together have many times more “Up” worth the risk of continuing for a long happy life.
    We have a 14 yr difference in age and we have never have discover any inconvenience in carrying on with our relationship.

    1. There are degrees of intimacy, chemistry, inconvenience, love, and meaning-of-life. Our culture makes it impossible for rich men to couple with women, as the male ALWAYS gets ass-raped by the legal system But, at the same time, women find us extremely attractive. Never engaging with women is a bad, unhealthy, idea, but committing is far far far to often suicide. We can thank “progressive” laws & feminism for the Marriage Strike Read the book: Men On Strike if you want a better picture of the destruction of marriage & the family unit.

  10. What’s ‘funny’ here is that I think many people (including myself) end up in relationships like this, unplanned…

    It’s not like you go out and say – ‘hey, this is what I want’. Somehow, things just fall into place that way.

    That said however…

    Take it from me, the concept is based upon Selfishness. Yes, I said it… For many, that is a hard reality to face up to, as no one wishes to be known by friends or family as being ‘selfish’.

    We have been ‘taught’ in this modern society – say, since probably the Sexual Revolution of the late 60’s/early 70’s, to ‘do what comes naturally’ or ‘you gotta follow your instincts’, or ‘you need to try on many pairs of shoes before purchasing’, etc., ad-nauseam. All in the pursuit of —– Self…

    And don’t think for a moment that selfishness doesn’t extend into old age… Not every middle-aged or senior is a Norman Rockwell portrait of Grampa and his wife of 60 years in some idyllic setting with grandkids running around at their feet…

    The sun shining through the clouds after the storm however, I see in our youth. The youth born out of this period of divorce and break-ups for wholly selfish reasons. They have seen first-hand what lack of true commitment brings and want no part of it. A ‘divorce’ of sorts, from the era of ‘self’ to a new day of commitment. And it’s a beautiful thing to see —

    1. You appear to “willfully” confuse *self protection* with selfishness. Today, any contract one person makes with another is in fact a contract with the State & Legal system. Many of us understand how RADICALLY flaws both those systems are; How heartless & brutal they are. Me, I have my Love, and she has me, but I wont have the State or the Legal system dictating my life, my love, or well being when I can simply not sign a contract with the State.
      Have you considered that the political system is NOT “Left” to Right” but instead is Authoritarian (totalitarianism) to Anti-Authoritarian (anarchy)? Where I live it is far to Authoritarian for my tastes, so, FUK the system. You can call me John Galt.

      1. In the final analysis, whatever the mutually agreed to relationship, the inner heart of those involved is all that matters. A flimsy piece of paper is not a precursor to a committed union of like minded adults!

    2. I agree with what you’ve said except about shoes.

      You HAVE to try on many pairs or you’ll get bunions picking the wrong pair. Shoes are different from spouses.

  11. Oh! Good! Know the Educated Intellectual will STUDY this, until the next Fad, and help no one.

    Men are for Sex

    Women are for Relationship

    God is for Marriage, and Faith

    Wow, think of the tax $$$$$$$$$$$ we can save

  12. Do not date someone who is religiously believes in a “god,” if you are an athiest.
    Also, do not live with your mate.

  13. Married 36 years, he has a large “man cave” full of his music equipment, he sleeps there, we both have sleep disorders, we choose and cherish the times we spend together!

    1. sleep disorders.. From a young age I viewed these as marriage killers.. But clearly, just a small obstacle when you both want it to work! The localized personal space(man cave/lady den etc) sound crucial though.. Occasional alone time is not optional..

    2. We’ve always had two bedrooms for the times when schedules do not jibe….and I go to bed much later usually. Married 40 years !

  14. LAT. It may mean that two people have spent a lifetime putting down roots at separate locations, be it because of family, work, or property.
    When young it is expected to take chances and still have a place to fall back to if things do not work out. When older, the last thing I want to do is be an unnecessary burden to my children.
    When young it is expected to take chances with work and start at the bottom and work your way up the ladder. When older it is hard to jump off that ladder and survive.
    When young it is expected to start a new home and the debts that come along with it. When older, hopefully the home is established, and the debt is minimized.

    So in many cases it maybe the distance between the trees and not necessarily the fertility of the ground each one stands on.
    Or
    The more responsibilities you have, the more complicated it is to be transplanted.

    1. Shhhh! Don’t tell GayMike, you are required to live your life on his terms!! How dare you think for yourself!! Hahahaaa.

  15. It would have its ups and downs. I’ve been single by choice for over a decade and I can’t imagine sharing anything with anyone, but then again I haven’t fallen in love either and my marriage was a nightmare. I know people who live together who aren’t intimate, date others, and still consider themselves in a relationship. I don’t understand that either.

    1. There is no such thing as “falling in love” that maintains a long-term relationship. That’s the stuff of storybooks, and perhaps why your marriage was a nightmare. That and your apparent inability to share, i.e., your selfishness. You missed out on a great thing in life thus far: the giving of oneself to another in exchange for….wait for it….the expectation of nothing in return. Life is all perception and making oneself happy by exercising the will to be happy.

      1. Wow…you know absolutely nothing about this person or their marriage, but boy do you come across as smugly judgmental in your comments. For all you know, it was an abusive relationship. Not everyone is ready to, or wants, a long-term relationship. And that’s OK. Some folks are too settled in their ways to let anyone else into their life, others have been hurt badly in the past and don’t want to risk letting someone close again. That’s unfortunate, but it doesn’t make them selfish or a “bad” person.

        1. What Jennifer said. But she is speaking to a closed minded, narrow minded, person (read Leftist) that beliefs that EVERYONE must live & belief as s/he does. Personally, I embrace reality, NOT wishful perceptions.

          1. Dude, I’m a conservative. I believe in traditional relationships of male-female as economic units and places for children to be raised. YOU, friend, are the Leftie with your “if it feels good, do it” narcissistic approach to life. You’re welcome to live however you want; I lived it as a youth and found it very unfulfilling, hence my long-term marriage and children.

      2. If only my ex thought like this….ie for giving oneself to another in exchange for expectation if anything in return’. She’d probably say the same about me.

      3. A very wise man once told us, to never pass judgment on anyone, ever…no matter what. Forgive me, but you seem to be flinging a lot of judgment at 707spooky here. Just sayin’. My 1st wife was bipolar & borderline; she attempted suicide 4 times by cutting herself with knives. Your smug advice about “exercising the will to be happy” is really weak, when you’re trapped in a “nightmare” (707spooky’s word) marriage like mine (or 707’s) As for me, I will always pass judgment on modern Feminist women–and pass them by–for my own protection and happiness. May God forgive me for loving myself more than the arrogant, man-hating harpies who demand female supremacy in every aspect of life!

        1. Rather than focus on the man who said to judge not (“lest though be judged…” – you forgot that part); maybe you should read the Book of Job from the Old Testament.

          I am providing advice not judgment. Be happy (words from my Mom who probably did not realize the brilliance of her advice at the time). I’ll spare you my sob story (here’s a hint: it involves the “C” word) and just state that there is happiness to be found even in the most dire of situations, but as long as we compare our situations to those seemingly better than ours, we’ll have difficulty finding it.

          My original comment was not so much about that particular person, but about the vast majority of people in marriages that ended because “they weren’t happy anymore” or “they fell out of love.” Sure, truly abusive marriages are on thing, but “abuse” in the sense that one is not getting what they had hoped for is another; and in my experience, the latter is very commonplace.

  16. I knew an older couple who lived together rather than married because they said they would lose Social Security money being married. Another issue, and I’ve seen this many times, widower marries again then dies before the new wife and she gets everything that once belonged to the gentleman and his first wife. Then she passes and everything that once belonged to the original couple gets passed down to second wife’s children. I personally would never marry again if my wife dies before me for this reason alone. I know you can make arrangements to prevent this but I’m sure, unless both parties are well off, the one with less won’t appreciate not being provided for by their supposed new love. It could be the male or the female so please don’t accuse me of sexism. I’d guess financial considerations of one kind of another is the driving force in this phenomenon.

    1. It really depends upon whether they were ever properly taught correct principles like this one that paraphrased for modern seniors is “for what shall a man trade his own soul” –for slightly less SS money? You either believe in your own moral virtue being a moral imperative or you don’t and there can’t be a $$ sign on it for I will keep the faith for X number per month from a government program that never should have existed or God–I am out of the program. All of us will eventually find out how that works out for those who thought that paltry difference per month was worth their honor and the bad example/stumbling block to the virtue of their posterity.

  17. You and ALL your kind can just stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away.

  18. I actually did this decades ago.
    And now I’m too old to rebuild another life after the divorce, much less get thrown out of a house I own.

  19. As an individual Much Much younger than their age range living in this condition, it was acceptable at first (though was not the ultimate goal) it does not work for the long term. There is far too much independence created from this arrangement. To the point that arguments etc are not resolved, they just….”disappear” until they reappear. Yes the independence is nice. Yes, neither side deals with perhaps nagging because they have the escape. But there is no closeness created, and I do not recommend this, if you do not like the living together arrangement, don’t get married….lesson learned…but I do see this a trend that will increase in numbers, as all those who do not do it, think wow, that’s such a great arrangement….the phrase “the grass aint always greener” comes to mind on those that do live in the split lifestyle in response to those that don’t.

  20. How many single older women or men want to sleep and hear their partners snoring and farting. The smell of old people is also gross. Living apart is far more pleasant.

  21. I am a widow who was married for thirty eight years. We had true love for
    one another and his love is what helped me through the loss when he
    passed. I’ve not had any interest in looking for another man to share
    my life with. If I met someone who had common interests maybe
    that could change. I think what ever path people pick for their lives
    is their business.

  22. Next,

    They’ll get grant $$$

    and the Headline will be:

    Study Older Adults finds living together better.

    Today Beer is good for you, eggs are bad,

    Tomorrow Beer is bad for you, eggs are good.

    Enough waste of Taxpayer $$$

    on

    Faux Studies.

    1. But you don’t have that as an option do you? So you just have gay sex on weekday lunch-breaks, without your wife’s permission?
      Everyone, except you apparently, understands that being gay is for almost all gays, about being promiscuous. Thus there is ZERO CHEATING involved. smh

      1. I don’t want or need that option; precisely the point. My happiness comes from my commitment to my wife and kids. There’s a trade-off, but I lived the pathetic life of the single guy getting laid all the time without the intimacy (non-sexual) that comes with a life partner in the same household with children. You’re living like a child with no responsibility to anyone but yourself. I think it’s a sad life and a sad statement on your personal values, but I protect your right to live that way.

  23. Where do I find a guy who would sign up for this? Since my divorce I have dated many but not one I want to live with. I am now very set in my ways: my programs on the DVR, my bedtime, my refrigerator, my dirty clothes… I think LAT is a fantastic option but maybe men are too needy?

    1. You must not be looking very hard. Men just need sex; if you’re offering that and no other obligation but the occasional night out, you should have them lining up outside your door.

      1. You can have everything in an LAT, go to baseball games, go dancing, go out to eat, watch a Netflix movie, have sex, cook in etc etc etc but not 24/7. Living together doesn’t mean faithful at all. LAT doesn’t mean just sex. I wonder why you think that way. Is it a gay thing?

        1. You can have everything except propriety, God’s blessing and self-respect. The root of the problem is all the same…humans deciding to take the easy way out of marriage or the easy way to a partial relationship. There is NO substitute for living life right as established by God. Either don’t have relationships, or have a relationship you pursue through a committed marriage. There is no middle ground and the repercussions will come, sometimes in the here and now, sometimes not until the day of judgement. But they do come.

    2. Not me! 🙂 I’,m in an LAT after 25yrs of marriage. I got into it too soon after divorce though but saw an old gal friend and we started going out for dinner etc. She lives 25mi away. She loves me because I’m a very nice guy, but I don’t want to fall in love again. She’s sweet and I like her, but no. I may have to tell her this soon as her hopes are getting too high.

  24. Maybe they don’t like the idea of having to share or be around the other’s spoiled ass and self-consumed kids and grandkids 🙂

  25. Sounds an awful. awful lot like reckless use of marriage as an institution, not taking the time to get to know a spouse, and leaving one foot out the door. AKA lack of commitment, something surprising in older people if true. But on the other hand, marriage in this day and time isn’t even needed to make children “legitimate” since almost the entire stigma on bastardy is gone. As it should be. The child shouldn’t suffer because the parents got their knickers in a bunch. So lacking that drive, and given the current falling away of the public from faith, I guess it makes sense. For them. Which is who its about anyway. None of my business.

  26. IMO the key to a successful marriage or long term relationship is friendship. My wife and I were good friends before we got romantically involved. We had a wonderful period of romantic love and fantastic frequent sex that lasted about 25 years. Then she went through the death of her father, got depressed, and was prescribed medication long term that essentially eliminated her sex drive…and no matter what we tried and what her doctors tried the sexual part has never gone back to anything like it was. The great sex we had taken for granted for years came to a rather sudden end. That was a hard transition for me to handle…no pun intended! As the years have gone by we seem to have fallen back into the patterns of our old friendship…we do everything together and enjoy each other’s company…but no more sex (i still try of course and we have moments)…and surprisingly I’m mostly satisfied with that. Marry your best friend.

    1. For every man lucky enough to marry his best friend, a hundred (perhaps a thousand) men are doomed to “the friend zone” by a woman they’re attracted to, because they made the fatal mistake of being friendly and open with her, rather than macho, mysterious and brooding. 98% of American females will shun a “nice guy” and go with a “bad boy” EVERY time. Story of my life. But I finally realized, such foolish women are not worth my time…nor the huge risk they pose to my long-term happiness and financial freedom. Solitude & self-abuse are far better than being trapped in a marriage with a woman-child. And almost all American women are spoiled, entitled, arrogant, self-centered princesses who obsess over romantic fantasies. See you in another life. Bye.

      1. This is why the MGTOW movement is so big in America. Men are starting to realize marriage and divorce are too big of a risk to take and these men are avoiding marriage like the plague.

    2. So you’re okay with never have sex again lol? That’s insane. You should tell your “best friend” that you need to get some booty on the side jeeez

      1. I had around 30 years of great sex. There’s much more to life and having sex with someone you don’t love just can’t compare to what I’ve enjoyed with my wife.

  27. What ever other people want to do with their lives is their business. I’m married, 61, and have been with him for 28 years. He is 10 years older, so the greatest probability is that he will die first. I made up my mind years ago that once he is gone, I live on alone. I’ve had the very best I could possibly ever hope to have in a man in my lifetime – the greatest husband a woman could want – so I won’t marry or date again.

  28. Putting a new label on an old trend, it’s called friends with benefits, which goes against the Laws of God our Creator.

  29. My recommendation to my own daughters was marry somebody you really like that shares your world view. This crap about marrying your “soul mate” that I hear minds of mush make is a myth.

    Soul mates aren’t found. They’re made. There is no “one right person to marry.” You make a commitment and you stick with it, as every marriage has its ups and downs.

    And if you stay married long enough, 30 years now for me, you’ll find your mate is simply a part of you. The intimacy of the physical waned when my wife started experiencing what all women experience after post menopausal, but the relationship gets better each passing day.

    God forbid she dies before I do. She couldn’t be replaced and I would have no interest in being married to anybody else.

    1. Tex Taylor, You are so right. I have been very happily married for 38 years. I remember my husband and I had a spat about something or other shortly after we were married, and I said to him, “We can always get a divorce.” (We were in our late 20’s.) I’ll never forget what he said, “I don’t ever want to hear you say that word again.” That’s when I knew he was in it for the long haul.

      I loved your wise comment. There are challenges, ups and downs, joy and sadness in every life, married or single. My husband is a part of me, I can’t imagine being without him, he doubles my joy and comforts me in the sad times, and I him.

  30. More of our country is becoming God less. The Euro’s have been confused for hundreds of years. I want nothing to do with Euro trends. We are created to serve our wife or husband. My only wife of 35 plus years picks up the slack when I fall short. I help her in the areas that she needs help. The Key to marriage is regularly serving others. Volunteer somewhere, build the skill set for marriage. If you find your bride in a bar, your likely to bring home bar flies.

    1. Tell my ex that. I did all the yard work, the majority of house work/maintenance…took care of kids, volunteered at school, maintained my profession for 28yrs…enjoyed life and told her I love her every day. It got stale for her, not me. She wanted out. After 2yrs of hell we are now divorced but agree on all things having to do with assets and family and are on good terms today. I’ll never marry again.

      1. So sorry. I’m a woman and frankly it seems most of the relationship problems today are woman-centric. It all comes from the screwed up mess society has made with idiotic ideas of what constitutes equality and being “strong and independent”. And from the moronic leftist idea that raising children and being “at home” wasn’t work, wasn’t good enough and somehow was demeaning to women. More women need to tell society and the leftist crowd to take a hike instead of telling that to their husbands and kids. Very few who are so self-focused find their life improved by leaving…it it does in the short-term, it doesn’t last and it won’t because they are the problem and they take themselves & their screwed up philosophy wherever they go.

  31. Legislated behavior, nothing more. The marriage tax penalty and high risk for losing everything in divorce procedings are strong incentives to avoid ‘commitment’.

    Older adults earning 50-150k by themselves would be suddenly thrust into the 1% by marriage. Unscrupulous partners can siphon away half of their spouses life earnings and retirement for the price of a brief period pretending to be married.

    No joy in having a target on your back.

  32. retiring in a few years. i’m ready to live part of the year on our boat, she is not. she’s free to visit me anytime she wants.

  33. Different strokes… for different folks…. If an arrangement of being in a committed relationship & living apart or vice versa doesn’t work …CHANGE IT !!!! The power is in CHOOSING what works….for both and that is a personal matter

  34. I’m 55 and have been married twice, once for twelve years once for nine. Being self employed I have realized marriage puts me at a huge disadvantage. At anytime a wife can decide she wants a huge payoff and file for divorce and attach the business. Doesn’t matter that I am incorporated, she can tie it up in court forever until I relent. No way would I ever consider marriage again. The courts and way too many women look at divorce as her chance to hit the lottery. I’m happy now with a girlfriend I live apart from. Will we live be together someday? Possibly. Marriage? Not unless their is a sea change in our legal system.

    1. Depends on the state. (If you live in California your are screwed either way) Look into what states are community property states and how common-law marriage is established. If you don’t live in a common-law state, live together but keep your assets separate and DO NOT MIX (co-mingle)YOUR MONEY TOGETHER. Do not file your taxes together and have your bank account at a different institution. Do not put your name on their CC, don’t buy a house together and do not tell people you are married. You don not need to tell people your status when introduced. Just “hello, this is Carl” or “hi, I’m Carl and this is Kathy”.

      1. Yeah, no it doesn’t. In no state is it legal for a wife to attach an incorporated business in which she had no material part. But that wasn’t my point.

        My point was regardless of the legality, she can tie it up in court so long it can effectively destroy the business.

    2. More and more are starting to realize marriage is too risky (50% divorce rate in America, most divorces initiated by women, women get at least half of her husbands net worth plus child support and perhaps alimony). This is why men are avoiding marriage like the plague in the United States.

  35. I’ve been with my second wife since 1996 and moved in with her in 1998. She tried to convince me that we didn’t need to get married and I agreed but I still got these subtle messages that she preferred a License. I understand all the legal things and inheritance, but if we’d left things alone we’d be better off financially. As it is we sometimes talk for hours on end and sometimes she’ll do what she wants and I’ll read. Neither of us is clingy and jealous which makes life a lot better. There are some things her and her x need to talk about having to deal with their sons suicide back in ’96. The x thanks me for allowing Mary to spend time talking and easing each others pain which is very helpful. I was able to get Mary to stop hating him which took a lot of her energy. Hatred really can sap you of strength, peace and other things like at family gatherings.
    It’s amazing how much the x’s are still involved not matter what. I also have a friend my age and he and his “girl” friend can’t be in the same home so they each have small apartments.
    Aside from all that I’m for marriage but not as it is done today. It used to be a social contract and not a legal or government with their big fat nose’s in your life. Do a little study and you will find that the Roman church invented matrimony and child christening as a way to keep track on the people.
    Then there is sex…

  36. Allowing females into white male occupational titles (civil rights act 1964) was a very big mistake. It has destabilized white families and displaced tens of millions of men. Male groups (males racially, linguistically and religiously similar) create “society” for male group members. All of human history dictates this reality. Males cannot form a proper stratification system with females being allowed to force their way into the ‘group’ structure. Unfortunately, white males are slaves to their written laws.

  37. Wow! Reading the comments regarding this story there is clearly a lot of hostility out there!

    As to the topic at hand, LAT relationships, I see absolutely nothing wrong with older people adopting this lifestyle if they choose. In fact, the demographic in my neighborhood skews a bit older and there are several people, male and female, who are in these kinds of relationships. In the cases of the people I know, it is mostly a financial thing. After long marriages they are widowed and if they remarry they lose the late husband’s pension and Social Security payments, which are usually greater than those of the wife who generally had a lower income during her working life because she was busy raising kids. For the men, they generally don’t want to mingle finances in order to keep their childrens’ inheritance intact. There are couples where one party feels compelled to provide lots of financial support to ne’er do well adult children and grandchildren, and the other party does not want their hard-earned money going to that cause.

    So these couples “keep company,” enjoy being with each other a lot of the time, travel together, know each others’ families and friends. They also enjoy their independent time, and don’t have a qualm about making plans to travel with same sex friends for a river cruise, beach week or guys’ golf and hunting trips. Nobody has to ask permission to do these things, the way they had to when they were married.

    As for medical directives, powers of attorney, inheritance, etc., if they choose to name each other for these things, it is perfectly legal to do so, married or not. Heck, my husband is still named the executor of his ex-wife’s estate as well as holding her medical POA because he is the only person she trusts enough to do it – including her current husband. I have the same authority for several of my single friends.

    That said, I hope this does not catch on with young people in place of marriage, unless they are sure there won’t be children. With older people you can be sure there won’t be any babies, and children should have the security and love of a two-parent home.

    1. I was looking for a comment like this. Whenever I see a “study” that seems like a waste of time I wonder how much it cost and who paid for it. May guess is it cost a lot and taxpayers paid the bill.

    2. This research was done at the University of Missouri. Maybe in the same department as that SHRIEKING FEMINIST professor who shouted out for “muscle” to physically remove a male journalist (cameraman?) who had a perfect right to be there and record the event. Her conduct, along with UM’s support for BLM radicals, caused freshman enrollment to drop more than 10% and alumni donations fell, too. You gotta love Mizoo (emphasis on “zoo.”)

  38. My parents, happily married, have lived apart for almost 20 years. They just both like a lot of “me” time and it totally works for them. I see nothing against it.

  39. Besides the sin of fornication, I don’t like the idea of LAT because it robs people of the happiness that comes of a total commitment.

    I wonder though, if the main reason is our lopsided legal system. Our laws since the 1980s have become punitive to marriage. All responsibilities are now the husband and all rights now are held by the wife. Living apart without being married avoids the legal pitfalls now so common when the woman decides she’s bored or declares war on her husband without reason. There is hope that this legal situation will change, though. The military finally had to make it mandatory that a marriage be ten years or more before the wife could take her husband’s retirement benefits. With most GenX marriages having lasted 2 years or less because the wife got bored or didn’t put any effort into it, it would be quite an incentive to stay in the marriage and work things out instead of just taking off with the kids, the ex-husband’s money, and moving in with a new shack-up honey, as Dr. Laura calls them.

    1. After a certain age, girlfriend and boyfriend just don’t work so well…at this point I use lady friend. Well, at least until I find a twenty something who’s into old pop culture and finds me amusing, then it’ll be back to girlfriend, at least until she gets bored and moves on to her future life. Still would marry her.

  40. Way ahead of this curve. Been doing this for over 30 years. Didn’t care what anybody thought then and give zero F’s now.

  41. Deep intimacy only comes from selflessness. Much of the joy of relationship is lost without the sacrifices and compromises that come with sharing as much as possible. Married 37+ years.

  42. I can’t understand having this kind of “gray-area” type relationship forever…Its like living in the twilight zone. If you really loved someone, you would marry her or him. Otherwise, its just an occasional “dinner date” or friend and that’s about it…Love is commitment and without commitment, it really isn’t “love” in the traditional understanding of that word… I speak from experience; been married now for 35 years and we’re still ‘going strong”…

    1. What if you don’t really love them but appreciate seeing them a few times a month and appreciating your time together? After 25yrs of relationship/marriage that I thought was going to last my lifetime, she wanted to end it and so we did. She just was no longer happy. I’m so much happier today and will never get married again. We get along fine today and have 2 kids 13 and 14 who are doing well. In fact our ‘family’ is pretty happy today. I speak with my ex several times a week and all of our yelling, gnashing of teeth is over.

      1. So glad it is working out for you. I’m not saying this to try to make you feel guilty because you sound like a hands-on Dad. Good for you. But if you think divorce doesn’t cut the heart of your kids, you are wrong. I pined for my dad for years after my parents were divorced. I still saw him. He visited me regularly, but it wasn’t the same. Maybe that’s just me.

      2. If you just see them a couple of times a month, then you are “just friends.” Just common sense to say that… As long as your kids are happy with this arrangement and your ex is, then it is probably better than fighting all the time. We never fight and get along great so that’s why we are still together… Whatever works for you, but its hard to be indefinitely in a state of limbo in a relationship. Relationships tend to get more serious as time goes on. That’s the human nature operates…sometimes wanting more commitment esp. when your kids grow up…

  43. The author of this story is ignoring the root cause of all this. The govt. alters the course of our culture! Europe has been socialist for longer than the U.S.; we are simply catching-up. I have interviewed these people. The reason old folks live apart while longing for marriage is because their govt. benefits will be reduced if they get hitched. The reason blacks have so many children without marriage is because their benefits will be reduced if they get hitched. Have you ever heard of the “Marriage Penalty?,” and there are tons more laws incentivizing misery. Johnson’s “Great Society” and everyone who has voted Democrat all these years is partly to blame.

    1. I flatly disbelieve there is any large demographic “longing” for marriage.

      It’s true, the governments of the globalist bloc have been subtly balancing the scales against marriage for a long time and this interference in the culture should be stopped. That said, there are huge numbers of people who grew up in the modern era for whom marriage is not the foundation of their lives as adults.

  44. I think as Tony below me stated, its part of the globalist agenda 21 program now the UN 2030 program. Why do you think they are doing this? look at China. one child policy to control the population. truth is, we can fit every person in the world within the state of Texas with some 2.5 acres and have the rest of the Earth to populate. Globalists want us to believe in this so they can control what we do, what we say and marriage is completely counter to this agenda.

    1. It’s true, the governments of the globalist bloc have been weighing the scales against marriage for a long time, probably for purposes of population control, and this interference in people’s personal lives should be stopped. That said, there are huge numbers of people who grew up in the modern era for whom marriage is not the cornerstone of our lives as adults.

  45. I am past 60 and have been married over 40 years. I have had love. marriage, kids and never intend to divorce, however marriage is hard. I never intend to go there again with someone else. I can’t imagine reliving with someone else the arguments over whether the toilet paper should roll from the front to the back or vice versa, or how towels should be folded, or whether or not there is too much “grease” in the green beans when no fat whatsoever has ben added, or how the fitted sheets should be more neatly folded, or whose job it is to replace light bulbs, or…… Then, there are the disagreements over important things. I am too old and set in my ways. I am not a starry eyed kid. I am too old to be thinking about raising more children. I am not afraid to live alone. Why marry someone who wants to boss you around while being waited on? Unfortunately that just what most men are to their women—bosses with never ending criticism and demands. Sorry, I love men, but most turn into overbearing husbands who aren’t any fun.

    1. Boy, did you marry the wrong person. I’m a woman and my initial reaction was that you were a man complaining about his wife. By far, more women dictate these little details to their husbands than vice versa. And you should have worked together on establishing more give and take both ways long before you got so bitter.

    2. You sound like your mate is OCD! (I am, used to drive my kids nuts, but the two boys know how to clean a house better than their wives when company is coming, ha.). I am lucky; all mine wants is food, sex and me.

  46. That isn’t a new trend. Older, established people that have lived alone for a bit find they like it. They also have children that usually object as they are afraid dear old dad or mom is going to will away some of what they think is theirs.

  47. I have to say, I’m happily married, but if something ever happened to my wife, I’d never marry again, but be happy to partake in this with the right woman. And by “the right woman,” I mean a woman who’d understand that my $3M portfolio belonged to my kids. She got nice dinners and trips. That’s it.

  48. I wonder, how much grant money was spent, so this female “researcher” could “discover” an utterly obvious fact, which millions of American men have been forced to learn the hard way? To live apart–and NOT get married–will save you “from a LOT of future heartache!” Well, duh! Not to mention losing your home, losing access to your own children and losing a BIG part of your future income. That’s why American men are giving up on marriage. In 1970, when I graduated from high school, 70% of adult men under age 30 were married; 30% were single. I will retire this year, and those figures are now reversed: only 30% of young adult men are married–70% are single. Feminist ideology and unfair laws have all but destroyed the family unit and made the long-term survival of intimate relationships next to impossible. Most American women have become very difficult to live with; their sense of absolute entitlement makes them arrogant and domineering in every aspect of domestic life. In other words, women NAG constantly and pass judgment frequently, especially on men in general–and on HER man in particular. In survey after survey, women report that their overall happiness continues to drop–while men’s happiness scores have been gradually rising. “Happy wife…happy life,” is one old cliche that appears to be doomed. The more men escape the shackles of marriage (to unhappy women) or avoid marriage, the happier we get!

    1. I agree with you completely, more and more are realizing what a bad deal marriage is today and they are avoiding marriage like the plague. Men get financially destroyed in a divorce. No wonder why the MGTOW movement is gaining steam in America and other western countries.

  49. Living (in western societies) no longer requires the combined efforts of a couple to maintain themselves, and so long as that remains the case this trend will continue.

    As interest in sexuality declines interest in co-dependent partnership also tends to decline.

    That does not include those couples who have grown spiritually coupled however. A trip through any graveyard will confirm the phenomenon that many couples who lived long term together also died very close together, and age and health seem to have had little or no affect on it.

  50. Total BS.

    It’s the marriage tax. Older americans are figuring out that getting married and living together is too costly. Your SS benefits are cut and your taxes increase. So you need to maintain that second address.

    1. My respect goes to those who don’t factor in all the government garbage and do the right thing regardless of the financial cost. Do what’s right and then work to get the legal system changed. And we should never have created SS in the first place…just started the whole “dependence on government” mentality.

  51. ” Living apart together”. My wife and I alive apart together. My twin brother and I were born in separate hospitals together, My best friend and I went to different high schools together, we were in the military together, I in the Army he in the Navy.

  52. Waaaaaat? The narcissistic, self-centered, “ME”-generation Baby Boomers are, yet again, setting divorce records in the demographic they inhabit? NO $H!T. They took from their parents’ generation, then mooched off their kids’ generation, and it’s a surprise that they have not learned to get alone with others over an extended period of time? Eff the Boomers!

    CANNOT WAIT until all the Boomers die off and America can heal from the damage they’ve done since the 60s. BOOMERS SUCK!!!!

  53. Nothing is right for everyone.

    Some people — I’m one of them — much prefer to live alone. I have discovered in recent years that my real nature is highly introverted. I need and want a lot of solitude.

    Some people thrive in the company of others; and there are those, like me, who thrive in solitude.

    It doesn’t mean never wanting the company of anyone else. It does mean that I don’t need it all that much. I am very content alone.

    I have found, too, that if you’re really quite happy with your life, and ‘your other’ isn’t, it’s a very difficult union.

    I think each of us should be free, especially in our later years, having likely struggled to get to this place where we might know ourselves better … each of us should be free to live our lives as we wish — in solitude, with another, whatever works for us.

    Neither path is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy. Just as some plants thrive in direct sunlight, some need shade.

    The key, I think, is to be content with who you really are. And if you’re to be with another, find that person who is also content with who he or she is. Two happy people make for the healthiest relationship. We can share happiness with another. But we must bring that happiness to the relationship, not think we will find it in another.

    There are many different paths. When we allow for those paths, allow freedom to any others in our lives, and allow it for ourselves, the result is, I think, happy people. And above all, the world needs more happy people.

      1. Thanks very much, David. I have slowly learned things in this life, through one long marriage of 25 years to a wonderful woman, a much briefer marriage to another wonderful woman … to finally come to see that solitude is life-giving to me. This at the age of 61 … and I consider myself a very lucky man to have finally come to see and accept that this is who I am, and very lucky to have loved those I’ve loved, and been loved by those who have loved me. I appreciate your kind words.

  54. Here’s a novel idea: find someone you love and commit your life to them. Live with them, eat drink & be merry for as long as the fates allow. LAT sounds like a 21st century version of the ‘free love’ of the 60’s. It figures my ‘boomers’ would giving this a shot. Why bother? You want single? Then stay single. Why bother complicating the issue? Makes no sense to me. I give this silly idea a giant “WTF is this?!?”